Do Not Eat Digiorno Pizza on a Paper Plate

Ingles had the Digiorno pizza and breadstick kits on sale for $5.98. I had (2) $1.50 coupons so I picked 2 kits up. I was so excited I'd just scored such a deal for lunch!!! We rolled up in the driveway and I nearly fell out of the car trying to get out so fast and get that frozen bad boy cookin'. Only too bad for me, when I reached the back door and realized I didn't have a flippin' door key! Ugh...it's only 2000 degrees in the deep south today. So I called Alan to come rescue us and in the meantime, I stuffed the kids and myself back in the car to wait. I thought I'd put the extra frozen pizza in the outside freezer (I was able to get in the garage via clicker). In the 30 seconds it took me to do that, Sophie climbed in my seat so she could flip down the visor and apply another coat of lip gloss. Now I'm drenched in sweat and my precious refuses to move away from the mirror. I finally pick her up and move her myself so I can get back in. And whew, my prince charming cruises up and rescues us! I'm so ready to sink my teeth into the frozen (well, not really frozen anymore) pizza that I head straight to the oven and get it started. In 15 minutes, the oven beeps and I remove 1 set of golden breadsticks smothered in bubbling cheese alongside a large pizza pie with little pockets of grease on top. Mmmmm...yummy. The kids eat and once they clear the room, I finally sit down with my grocery store prize to enjoy lunch. Trying to save myself a little work later, I decided to use a paper plate. About 1/2 way through the gourmet meal, I set the pizza slice down a little too hard apparently and the crumbs on the plate vibrated and can you belive one of them flew up into the air and landed in MY EYE??? Dang it, now I can't open my eye but I need to get the pesty piece of golden crumb out of my eyeball. Finally, I just swoop a finger in and manage to sweep it out. It was still an awesome lunch; thanks for wondering if I enjoyed it.

Lesson learned: Either use a regular plate for pizza or set the pizza down very carefully on a paper plate.

You Are Not God

Sophie and I got into an argument in the car today on the way home from Bruster's. I guess Sam was too busy shoveling his cookie dough ice cream in to participate in this one. All of a sudden, Sophie announced in her sing-song voice, "I am God. Yes, I am God." I said, very matter-of-factly, "No, you're not." In response, she sang the same phrase louder and louder until I screamed over her, "You're not God! He lives in heaven and takes care of all of us!!!" Then she squished her ice cream onto her lips and sweetly said, "Mommy, look at my lips. Aren't they beautiful?" Oh, the randomness kills me.

If You're Gonna Raise an Empathetic Child...

be prepared for a conversation like this...

Sam comes to me and tells me he'd like to talk to me in private after he got in trouble for driving his little sister's purple princess car around the yard. (He's not supposed to be in the car since he looks kinda silly and he has his own go cart to ride.) So we go to my bedroom and he drops his shoulders, looks at the ground, shakes his head, and sighs, "I feel like a bad kid. I just keep aggravating Sophie and doing things to her that I know she doesn't like." Whoa. I just sat there for a minute, my mind racing to come up with a sensitive, yet direct response. I finally admitted that my dear, sweet sisters were once monsters that annoyed me as well. And that as a child, it was very difficult to not do things to make them mad. Oh yeah, and that sometimes I feel that way about Daddy, too. I explained that any time you live with other people, they can get on your nerves but that doesn't make you a bad kid. Then we prayed for patience with our family members and forgiveness for the times we lost our patience. He said he felt better after our conversation but I felt tired. It's exhausting trying to explain things on his level without watering it down too much and skipping over the truth. But I'm thankful that at least he does seem to be developing empathy. Now if we could just get him to be empathetic about our lack of sleep, that would be great.

If You Win Some Money...

expect something to happen. My mom was interested in looking for a new car (after hers became a sinkhole for $). We are good friends with the sales manager of a local lot so I took her there to see what they could do for her. They had some awesome incentives going on and they had a great car for her. So she decided to buy. I honestly had no clue they were also running a promotion for referrals...since I took her and she bought a car, I got $200! Cool! We didn't know it, but Alan's parents also decided to buy a new car from the same lot and they gave the salesman Alan's name. So another $200! Really cool, right?! Well...maybe not.

Here's a breakdown of how we spent that fun money:
Sophie's 1st optometrist appt.=$75
Sophie's 1st pair of eyeglasses=$175
Replacing a broken window=$100 (the kid who cuts our grass threw a rock up from the lawnmower and busted out our living room window)

TOTAL=$350
*God providing for our needs= PRICELESS

If You're Going to Travel with a Diva...

expect a lotta drama. We took Master Sam (who now insists that we refer to him as "Indy" aka Indiana Jones) and Princess Sophie on a mini vacation to Great Wolf Lodge. They were beyond excited and I think our first shopping stop was more than anything they'd imagined. We stopped in Concord Mills and found the Lego store for Sam and the Disney store for Sophie. Their eyes grew to the size of saucers as they took in all the sights and sounds of their 2 most favorite play things. Sam began to enter panic mode as he tried to decide just what Lego set to buy. Yes, poor thing, gets all wound up like his Mama when he needs to choose just one thing in the store. See, he doesn't want to choose the wrong one just to be disappointed later. I left him with his Daddy to help with the selection process. I escorted Sophie to the Disney store and discovered to my extreme happiness that they were having a HUGE sale. Oh my! Our diva twirled and pranced from one princess toy to another...she stopped to try on flip flops at some point between handling a Belle glittery cup, a princess laden soccer ball, and too many pairs of pajamas/t-shirts to keep up with. Finally, she settled on a large Sleeping Beauty head with flowing blond hair and a smorgasbord of hair accessories to put on the aforementioned head. At this point, "Indy" and his dad returned with a Lego Land Rover and horse trailer set. You've never seen 2 children happier with their purchases. Next, we made a stop at the indoor carousel. Sam chose a stationary bench to ride on (until I made him pick an animal--are you kidding me??? I was NOT paying $2 for him to just sit there). Sophie selected a horse with a bizarre mermaid tail. Afterwards, I scrounged up 75 cents for the kids to squeeze in a kiddie ice cream truck ride together. Sophie "drove" while Sam screamed random dollar amounts out the window at us. We then bought dinner in the food court and as we were inhaling our chicken sandwich, I read a sign that explained how you could text a # and request a certain song to be played over the food court speakers. So Sam chose a song ("Hey Soul Sister") and was so excited to hear it playing for everyone within a 1 mile radius of where we were seated. After all that excitement, we took the kids to check in the Great Wolf Lodge. We immediately suited up and headed to the indoor water park. All 4 of us had a great time sliding and splashing around. I think Sophie spent at least 3/4ths of her time parading around in her ballerina swimsuit. We finally headed back upstairs and went through a vacation version of the bedtime routine. This is the part where the diva really reared her ugly head and caused a lot of stress. She refused to go to sleep and began barking all of her usual demands at us..."I need a snack; I need a drink; I don't like this bed; I don't like you; blah, blah, blah..." She was in our bed before either one of us realized what was happening. FINALLY at 11 pm she drifted off to sleep and Alan scooped her up to put her in her own bed. We thought we were good for a night's sleep. But that little princess woke up at 4:00 and began the list of requests again. Finally, after a pop on the leg, a fussing mommy, a growling daddy, and a whaling diva, she fell back asleep around 4:45 am. Thank goodness she did sleep until about 8:45 but oh man, we were wiped out! 2nd night...I massaged her back until she drifted off and she slept like an angel. So the diva likes back rubs...who knew???

If You're Going to Do a Home Improvement Project...

know up front that your home will be a disaster for a short period of time.

We decided to replace our living room, hallway, kitchen, and dining area flooring. We were so excited when the flooring came in and we could only imagine how great it would look! We hired a friend of mine's husband to install it all and it quickly snowballed into more and more projects. I decided if we were ripping out floors, I would really like to redo the pantry. So we tore out the wire shelving and our neighbor graciously offered to help install wood shelving. So then I thought, before Matt came to do that, I should paint the pantry. Then we decided that if we were going to be tearing apart the living room, we should go ahead and replace the tv and tv stand. So Alan went to Best Buy and picked out a tv and stand. Then I figured our feet would get cold walking on the new flooring, so I made a trek to Gaffney's Rug & Home with Mom and Steph. Mom generously bought a huge rug for the living room. Now, 1 month after the initial order of flooring materials was placed, I am finally sitting in a kitchen with clean, fresh floors. I can go in the living room and see our new rug, tv, stand, and floors. It's like a whole new house! Oh, and I forgot one more project...Alan decided after Matt put in shelving, we should have a pantry light. So he sent me to Lowe's to get the light and other necessary materials. The salesman sold me some crap we couldn't use but to his credit, Alan did install a light today! So now I can see the food I am looking for in the pantry.

Lesson learned: If you're going to do home improvements, be prepared to live in a disaster area for a short period of time. It will be worth it in the end.

If You Need to go to the Bathroom...

Make sure your kids know where you are.

I went to the gym Monday evening around 5:15. When I left, Alan and the guy installing our new flooring, Jason, were shootin the breeze. I called Alan when I left the gym to tell him I was on the way home. He said, "YOUR CRAZY KIDS!!!" I could only imagine what they had managed to destroy. Alan explained that Jason left and the kids were playing so Alan went to use the bathroom. He said he could hear the kids and then they got very quiet. Next thing he knew, the doorbell was ringing. When he opened the door, our neighbor was standing there holding our kids' hands. She said they came down to her house and told her they were home all alone. Alan told her he'd been home with them all afternoon and that he was in the bathroom. He said the kids never called for him or knocked on the door. Even better was the fact that Sophie was in just a pair of underwear and a t-shirt. To top it all off, when I got home, I asked Sam what happened while I was gone to the gym and he said, "Sophie pinched my arm really hard and it hurt." It was like telling the neighbor that he was home alone was no big deal.

I did praise him for thinking of what to do in case of an emergency and told him that going to the neighbor's house was a great plan when he needs help. I also praised him for taking care of his little sister and making sure she was safe. But then I told him that we would never leave him home alone and he should call out our names before thinking we're gone.

Lesson learned: Tell your kids you're going to the bathroom so they don't think you left them home alone.

If You're Gonna Explain Song Lyrics...

to your children, you'd better be prepared for their heartfelt reactions.

One of Sophie's many favorite songs right now is "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. Sophie thinks it's called "Single Legs." So the other morning, after we listened to it on our way to school, I explained to Sam what the song is about, stressing that when you find the woman you want to marry, you give her a ring as a symbol of your commitment to her. It was a short, simple conversation (after all, what 7 yr. old boy really wants to discuss such things???). A few days later, all 4 of us were in the car when the song came on again. I asked Sam to explain it to his dad since Alan thinks it's funny to say things like, "Alexander Graham Bell invented the phone and he liked it so much, he put a ring on it; God created Saturn and like it so much, He put a ring on it..." So after Sam explained what he understood of the song, Sophie pipes up with, "Daddy you put a ring on Mommy's finger." We were surprised by her ability to comprehend the conversation. She then announced that when she got big, she would like to marry Sam. Of course, we explained that she couldn't marry her brother and she immediately burst into tears. She proceeded to wail at the top of lungs while sobbing, "I want to marry my brother!" It was so hilarious...we couldn't contain our laughter. The only bad part was that we were in the drive thru of Burger King and I could not hear a word the cashier was saying to me.

Lesson Learned: Don't tell your 3 yr old diva she can't marry the person of her choosing while you're ordering dinner.

If You're Not Sure of Someone's Name, Keep Your Mouth Shut

So I take a class at the gym on Wednesday nights. It just so happens that Alan works with 2 ladies who also take the same class. He set up a get together with one of them and her family for the weekend. Now I don't get to actually talk to these ladies very much but I knew who they were. So I decided to try and speak to them after class. One of them didn't show up for class. I thought it was the one we were supposed to be going out with so I yelled out in the middle of class, "Where's [name redacted]?" And do you know the girl who did show up raised her hand in response to my question? That's right, I had them mixed up this whole time. I thought I blew it off pretty well but she told Alan at work this morning that she knew I had them mixed up. Oh geez, did I feel like a moron. So in the future, I will not yell out someone's name in a public place unless I am 1000% sure I know it's them.

Lesson Learned: If you're going to yell out a name in public, you'd better make sure you know whose name it is.

Same Parents...Same Routines...Different Kids

So I already "knew" this one in my head...but it never ceases to amaze me when I am reminded of just how different my little preciouses are. Sam...just like me...a rule follower...shy in front of people...quiet...responsible. He has honestly been the easiest kid in the world to parent. He requires simple, gentle discipline; a "talking to" is all it takes and he will ponder over the situation himself and come up with solutions on his own. Sophie on the other hand is just like her daddy. She's enthusiastic, passionate, stubborn, loud...the life of the party. Discipline is not so easy with her. You must be a little more insistent and we use the phrase "pick your battles" a lot in respect to Sophie. All she needs to be happy is a stage. She creates "stages" at home all the time...out of boxes, books, beds, whatever she can stand on to sing and dance for us. So as I sat and watched her preschool spring program yesterday, I couldn't help but smile. She was in her element. She had her stage and a whole crowd of people watching her. She probably only sang about 2 words and spent the rest of the time jumping up and down, putting her tissue box instrument on her head, laughing, and entertaining the crowd. I had to laugh.
I love them both with all of my heart and appreciate their differences. It makes life interesting living with 2 children who are so different.

Lesson learned (again): Enjoy the differences in the people around you.

Queen of Kindergarten

On St. Patrick's Day, I decided to wear a crown at school. Although it was meant to be a St. Paddy's Day accessory, I chose to name myself the "Queen of Kindergarten" for the day. I wore it proudly and highly recommend crowning yourself for a
day. (<-- FREE lesson!)


Back to my original lesson...I kept forgetting to stop by the pharmacy and pick up my "happy pills". After 2 days of not having them, I called mom and asked her if she could bring them by school for me. She sweetly agreed and called at 9:00am to tell me she was almost to the parking lot at school. I ran out to meet her and didn't even think about my crown until I noticed the surprised look on her face. As her eyes glanced up toward my head, I had an instant realization that Mom was probably wishing she had gotten the meds to me a day earlier. Even though I was enjoying my role as Queen for the day, I think it caught others a little off guard. Too bad for me, St. Patrick's day is over...maybe I will just wear it again soon anyway.

Lesson learned...Don't wear a crown to meet someone who's bringing you medication.

Don't Eat Your Math Lesson...

I eat a mid-morning snack every day. It's usually some fruit or yogurt or on those lucky days I can find something really good, it's cake,cookies,etc. Since I'm trying to keep up with my coupon queen sister, I bought some apples because Ingles had a good sale on them. So Monday morning, I was working on some things during my morning break and decided to go ahead and have my snack. So I washed up my apple and enjoyed every crunchy, juicy bite of it. I must admit, it was one of the best tasting apples I've had lately. At the end of my break, I picked up my students and paraded them back into the classroom, got them seated quietly, prepared to deliver a beautiful math lesson, and then remembered that I needed that apple I ate for the math lesson. Ugh. Thank goodness for the precious teacher next door...she loaned me an apple under the agreement I would not eat it. Which I wouldn't have any way because it had a nasty bruise on the side of it. Eeeew.

Lesson learned...do not consume things you need to complete your work related duties.

If You're Going Shopping with Your Sisters...

Take your debit card. Otherwise, you end up having to beg your little sister to pay for the things you want to buy (or eat). Then you feel goofy and you have to write a check to pay her back.

Lesson Learned: Tell your husband to get some cash for his day trip and YOU keep the debit card.

If You Want to Win Mother of the Year...

you should not forget the following pertinent items:

1.It's picture day at your 7 yr. old's elementary school (this is especially true if you work at your 7 yr. old's elementary school). If you do happen to forget this, I would recommend having a friend or relative break into your home and bring another outfit for your child. This would be easier than dealing with the crying fit your child is sure to have due to their extreme embarrassment.

2.Do not send a liquidy food for your 7 yr old's lunch unless you plan to make personal arrangements with the teacher for a place to put the lunchbox containing said food. Otherwise, your child is likely to "freak out" because the lunchbox will surely not stand upright in the bottom of their cubby. And don't even suggest that your child talk to the teacher about a more appropriate place to put the lunchbox. This is highly unacceptable.

If, however, you already acknowledge that you will not be the mother of the year, don't worry about it. In my case, I already knew this fact, but for some bizarre reason, I still tried to console him about the fact that he was wearing a "regular" outfit on picture day. I stopped trying when I saw how adorable his best buddy looked in his khaki pants and sweater vest. I did manage to explain the spaghettios situation to his very understanding teacher and she was more than happy to accommodate his lunchbox needs for the day.

If Rain is in the Forecast, put an Umbrella in the Car

Without my knowledge, someone removed my umbrella from my car. I knew that the forecast for today predicted rain this afternoon. In fact, I wore my adorable navy with white polka dots rain jacket. Unfortunately, it does not have a hood. It began raining around 2:00 so I walked the "long way" to leave school so I would stay under a covered walkway until I reached my car. I had a 4:00 appointment at Converse College so I drove straight there when I left work. The parking lot was packed and I circled the lot for about 10 minutes before I hit the jackpot and scored a space three buildings away from the building I was headed to. Yep, I had to walk in the rain to meet with the director of graduate studies. And not one soul offered to share their umbrella with me! Can you believe that? I worked hard to get this hair volumized enough for my afternoon meeting. Trust me, the rain sabotaged my efforts. Lesson learned...check the car for an umbrella before you leave the house.

Welcome to my life lessons...

It seems that just about every day, I learn something new (or am humorously reminded of something I really already knew). These lessons are not always monumental and mostly just come from ordinary events. But maybe you can benefit from my mishaps and discoveries--at least, maybe you can laugh at them! Enjoy the lessons I learn in my life...